Monday, May 30, 2011

Giving God a Little Credit

It seems like I've heard it all through our infertility struggles, and mostly losses.

"God only give you what you can handle."
"Maybe you aren't meant for more."
"God must be trying to tell you something."
"God has a different plan for you."

I am sure people are just trying to give me comfort. But, really, these statements get me more worked up than anything.

Only giving me what I can handle? Really, really? God knows that I will somehow manage to get through our pregnancy losses so He keeps giving them to me? Sorry, I choose to believe that God isn't a jerk. I was reading a magazine at my mother-in-law's home the other day and found a saying on a great sign, "God doesn't give us what we can handle, God helps us handle what we are given." Yes, and thank you. This is how I choose to think, for if thought the other way I'm certain I would be angry and bitter all of the time. Not just some of the time.

Aren't meant for more? Oh, and how many kids do you have? 2? 3? So, God thinks you were meant for more, but not us? Please explain. PLENTY of people in this world have multiple children and don't take care of them....even abuse them. So to hear that I wasn't "meant" for more is tough, very tough.

Telling me something? OK, I agree, I wonder if He's telling me that I can't carry another baby. But, then why do I want to have another one so badly? We were happily on the road to adoption, we felt firm and confident in our decision, then we find out we were pregnant, only to have it lead to another loss. If He was trying to tell me something, I already heard the message, remember? We applied for adoption, didn't sign up for another IVF and got pregnant anyway. So, then I start to wonder, did He want me to get pregnant so that I could remember the joy of pregnancy and that we should, indeed, try again someday? See, this one could spin either way. It's really mind boggling if you try to figure it out. So, I'm not.

A different plan. Plan. What plan? We threw plans out the door a long, long time ago. You know those people that plan a pregnancy so they are due at a certain time....yeah, those people? We aren't them. We have no plan. We have hope. Hope that our family will get bigger and that we'll have to stay up all hours of the night rocking a baby. Hope that Griffin can be a big brother. Hope that we can watch another miracle unfold before our very eyes.

So, people, let's give God a little credit. He's helping us to handle the tough road that we've been on. He's hurting right along with us.

1 comment:

  1. I'm tearing up. I've tried to think of it as God never gives us more than we can handle, and I'm often left thinking "How much worse can it get?!" So I think I, too, will adopt the new 'version' that God is helping get through what we have been given. :)